Belief in the Torture

Why do we even do this to ourselves??? I say ‘we’ because, although I don’t know for a fact, I assume that other creative people go through similar emotions….I hope.

We take what is a somewhat comfortable situation, a relaxing summer, a warm fun loving family time and wind it all up into a chaotic, clock ticking, heart racing bundle of torture.

Three weeks ago I was looking forward to it getting closer. I was hanging out in limbo; too soon to start advertising, too late to change my mind and cancel…and so I drew. My new thing I do when I feel lost or bored or in limbo…I draw.

You see, I enjoy running because of the end result. I’m definitely an end result kind of girl. There are parts of the run that are so fantastic that you can’t really get anywhere else, and then there are parts that suck butt crack so bad I want to refuse to continue. And it seems to be the same with an art show. The intense drawing was euphoric most of the time…it was colourful, intoxicated goodness that wiped away all the day to day grime with each stroke and smudge. Attempting to get sponsors sucks butt and is something I really need to work on. Trying to figure out how to hang these beautiful faces creates a shortness of breath that I imagine is close to a panic attack. (thank god I gave myself two weeks to figure it out…could have used a lot more!)But the connection with my models, the email interviews, the handing out of postcards and the satisfaction I get from looking at my pieces is….magic.

That’s how I work I guess. I jump eyes closed, fully and completely and float within the clouds until suddenly gravity mercilessly grabs at me and I go plummeting down to earth.

It’s eleven days till my first art show opening. I have yet to figure out how to mount and hang my pieces, my sponsorship donations is seriously lacking, my shirts are not yet printed, still waiting for my catering to be confirmed, my speaker is still 750 km away…but my art is done. Media is confirmed. And it’s going to be freaking fantastic because I believe that it will. I just believe. I’m feeling tortured right now but I still believe. FullSizeRender (11)

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