I took the girls for a drive to see the Christmas lights tonight. What is it about the site of a lit Christmas tree embedded in a family home that makes all of the screaming and fighting and everything else that makes you tense just kind of…dissipate?
This time of year I am so guilty of watching all the classic films over and over again. The comfort, the fleeting moments of…I don’t even know…warmth? Possibility of magic? Happy endings? I don’t even know if we celebrate Christmas for what it is today or if we are all so starving for a simpler time that we celebrate it for what it was in our minds when we were children…even though in most cases our memories of it are absolutely skewed.
I wonder…most adults I know either hate or love Christmas.
Those that hate it; what if they see it for what it really is. The reality of the lack of magic in the world…the memory of realizing that Santa was not real, the bills, the over consumption, the sweat and tears that it costs to create a meal that everyone eats in twenty minutes and then spends the next hour complaining about everything that was wrong with it, everything they didn’t get that they wanted, and their over indulged stomachs.
Those that love it; what if they are living in their minds, or past memories? They live in a contained feeling of Christmas that allows them to experience magic and love in a way that is non existent throughout the rest of the year. Somehow they allow themselves to feel everything they actually want all year round but don’t believe that they either deserve it or that it simply doesn’t exist without the presence of the Christmas Spirit.
That’s fucked up. Either way.
I am a Christmas lover. I love staying up all night on Christmas eve wrapping gifts and stuffing the stockings and eating all of Santa’s treats. I love watching my babies faces when they get up first thing on Christmas morning. I still get up super early just like I did as a child. I’d like to think it’s because the magic was created for me when I was young. I’d like to think that I’m an optimist and that I still believe in pure, honest to goodness joy and love and magic and all things that Christmas represents. Perhaps I’m afraid…and really desperately need to believe. But I’m thankful for that. I’m thankful for the light that I feel each year as we inch closer to the big day. I am thankful for my excitement to cook for others, my need to invite my friends to sit at the table with me, my joy in watching my children. I am thankful for this time of year and everything it brings into my life. I am thankful for Jesus’ birthday and hope that I always will be.
I wish that you are a lover. That you drink in these holidays and everything that it allows us to feel and enjoy and be. I hope that you are thankful. I hope that you are loved. And I hope that you have someone to share it with you….perhaps one day we will share it together….