Yesterday I was angry.
I was angry at everyone who has a healthy dog. I was angry at my children. At anyone who basically talked to me…
And then I realized how many people have read my blog in the last three days. I’ve hit the highest numbers I have ever hit since starting this thing. I was excited and for some reason it wiped away my anger….for just a second.
And then I was angry at all of you. I was so angry at every person who had read my blog since my dog died. Did it take some dramatic occasion in my life for people to care enough to read my thoughts??? It brought me back to the one film I was involved with way back when pimples were still expected…when I was still invincible and there were no real responsibilities on the horizon. The concept was for a futuristic drug…an implant that would be inserted into babies brains to record their sensory memories and then after their deaths sold as an escape to watch and experience….interesting idea written by a man who I quite admire for many reasons….Within the story there was mention of a father who raped his daughter many times in order to be able to sell more of her ‘life discs’ as it was called…that that kind of rawness of life is what interests people. And it’s true. I have been in pain, and you all knew…and therefore you read what I had to say. It’s like anything else with human nature…we take advantage of what we have around us until a tragedy occurs and then suddenly we become interested. Like the shit show happening in the States these days, or a car crash that you can’t help but gawk at…we are attracted to…what would you describe that as??? We are attracted to other people’s pain…?
Well, I tried to drink away my pain yesterday…worked for a bit…while I couldn’t remember…and now I’m back and she’s still gone…but my kids are moving forward and therefore I will too…eventually.