Sometimes when the mundaneness of life pushes me to drink, when I feel desperate to climb out of my own skin and run away; I think about death. I’m much closer to it now than I have ever been. I wonder if being is harder in life or in death. Not in a suicidal kind of way but, I’m curious about whether or not it will be a relief when it comes. Being at least half way through my life now….I wonder sometimes if we all aren’t finding ways to keep busy until it just…ends.
And then sometimes, like right now, i feel inspired by life and possibilities and the amazing power of life that surrounds us. My spirit is excited about the fantastic return of energy I get when I am brave enough to throw it out there. It’s amazing. And it’s during these times when death is only a distant friend that I hold afar.
I’m taking a lot of risks these days that make me feel…inflated with…the sunshine and autumn colours and everything that makes a single intake of breath feel exhilarating. I have many people who support me, others who feel inconvenienced by my adventures, and others who truly support from a distance but are afraid to get involved. It’s all good. I love them all. And I love this path that I am on.
My spirit is vibrant. And I am grateful.
And I am alive.