Forty More Times To Go

Auditions are now complete for my first full length play, and the offers have been sent out.

The waiting is awful.

I have this feeling that the reading is going to be fantastic. I also have this feeling of being very amateurish. That I’m putting on a silly play and I have no idea what I am doing.

Am I wasting these people’s time?

I wonder what the hell I am doing…what am I trying to prove? What am I trying to accomplish???

I have a path laying ahead of me…rehearsals, a reading, hopefully a fringe festival…I’m almost super confident that we will be a part of the fringe festival…not sure why…have this feeling like it’s my destiny. I might be wrong but I have this feeling…

But the path lies ahead of me…I will follow it. I will finish what I started. And then I will start it again. With at least half my life ahead of me I will do this at least forty more times…forty more tries, forty more offers, forty more waits, forty more finishing what I start.

I’m not here to just follow the rules, keep a job or raise my children…I have more to give. I’m going to question it every day, but each day I’m going to get closer to finishing one more. One more accomplishment, one more victory, one more step towards my finale…One more step towards giving the messages I have to give.

And you will be there. I have faith in that. You will be there when you are ready…and in the meantime I will just keep on working…

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