I’m sure you’ve had those moments in life…when you take pause to observe your happiness, to take a mental photograph in the hopes of holding on to a particularly fantastic moment. It’s a pointless thing to do really. I do it all the time. But then I have a problem with change and letting things go.
When I do actually take that moment, choosing to want to remember; it’s almost like I create a marker or a set point that my memory can go back to if I fail moving forward. Like in a video game. If you die you are sent back to the last set point to begin again from there.
Wouldn’t that be fantastic? If when you failed you could just return to the last truly joyful moment you had and try again????
I have many of those moments. To be quite frank, I’ve been doing that most of my life. I had moments like that in highschool when an unlikely group of friends found themselves spending time together; connecting and sharing things that they probably wouldn’t have shared with anyone else. I had moments like that in NYC when I found myself being photographed for a magazine, or when the right people came together at the right time to read plays together and just feel inspired. I felt it again when I toured across Canada in my band playing in book shops and coffee shops; living and struggling as real life musicians. When I got married on a tropical island. When I was pregnant both times and held my baby for the first time; both times, when my first baby had her first day of school…
It feels as though I am experiencing these life markers more often over the last year. I had my first publication, I won my first contest, had my first play read, held my first auditions, booked my first art show, created my first website….eleven days from now my first full length play is being read. To most eyes it’s just a small, slightly interesting event that most will not go to unless somehow interested in one of the actors, can’t afford their own wine, or they are my mom. But it is an incredibly significant moment for me. It’s the beginning of….of hopefully the opening to many more life moments that will resonate within my life line.
Even now I am having one of those moments. I breathe in…an anxious shallow breath of anticipation. I can smell the feeling of the unknown and by mixing it with my nerves and lack of experience I feel overwhelmed and so very…tired. But this is one of those moments I remember eleven nights before my reading when I laid in bed in the dark and wrote a blog entry about life moments.