I was listening to music with my girls the other day…my six year old asked what “I’ll be the one if you want me to…” meant. I gave some ideas…tried to give her options so that she could make up her own mind. That’s really all I could do. Geez. At 41 I still don’t know what that means. I love music, poetry…rhythmical sounding phrases…I love writing them too. I love putting together words that are deep and vague and force you to consider their meaning rather than just take it for granted…but let’s be honest….Half the time I have no idea what the hell they really mean.
It’s funny. As parents we are expected to guide our children, teach our children…help them to become good people with maturity and honest values and aspirations and hopefully intelligence…Sometimes I just feel like a fraud. How can I possibly do that when some days…many times I feel that I’m not yet there myself…I still have so many insecurities, and regrets, and questions and feelings of the grass being greener next door, in another city or another time…how can they possibly learn from me???
We learned in church today that Mother Teresa is being made a saint next Sunday by Pope Francis. There is a book written about her and her life entitled: Come Be My Light. (sacred words that were sent to her from God) Our priest gave a beautiful sermon about her and this book and how it reveals through her writings how she struggled and questioned her faith and how lonely she felt at times…Even a woman who mothered thousands…who dedicated her life totally and completely to God questioned her authenticity. Can you imagine? A woman who persisted to work with the poor and hungry, who set up a hospice for abandoned children, who founded Missionaries…The last two popes have recognized two separate miracles that occurred in the name of Mother Teresa. She changed the world with her actions and beliefs and strength. And she struggled and felt lonely and at times lost.
This made an affect on me. Is it hope that I feel? I am able to share my humanity along side unforgettable historical figures like Mother Teresa…that’s kind of amazing really. Kind of gives you a little shock of humility doesn’t it? Even humans who are about to be appointed as a saint have moments of weakness and despair.
(as an aside note: I am grateful for what Mother Teresa was able to accomplish. I am also very grateful that she didn’t live in a time of ISIS, suicide bombing and random shootings. The world could have been a different place if she had been directly affected.)