Teacher or Not.

imageYesterday I took my neice and two kids to an art event at the Waterloo Square. There are ongoing art classes provided by the city taught by various artists. It’s a project to create an exhibit at the Waterloo Museum next year to celebrate Canada’s 150th birthday. “We Are Waterloo”. The artists provide instruction to skilled and unskilled drawers alike to create self portraits that will be scanned and put on display. Fantastic idea! We’ve been to three of the classes. My kids are young but any kind of creating excites them, which in turn makes me a very happy mommy. I love to see their enthusiasm. And of course it feeds my soul when I get to sit down and draw any time…any where…

I don’t believe that I am a comfortable crowd member. I don’t like blending in…being one of many. I remember visiting Toronto in the business district before I started college. I found myself suddenly feeling suffocated when the same business attire kept walking in my direction over and over and over again. They all looked the same, dressed the same, talked the same, and….every one killed my excitement for an adventurous future just a little more.

What I’m saying is that three times was as many as I could take sitting down in a class to sketch. So of course I found myself talking to the organizer of the event offering my services should she require any more instructors.

What the hell was I thinking? What could possibly make me think that I am qualified to teach others how to draw? Who would want to learn from me? Someone who only picked it up again six months ago? What could I possibly have to offer?

I’ve still got the balls. I will tell you that. Not in all aspects of my life but…in enough I guess…

It was the same feeling I got when I first started my home daycare. It seemed like a logical choice so that I could be home with my babies, expose them to other babies and avoid colossal childcare costs. I started caring for my first “extra baby” as I call them and constantly questioned why anyone would put their child into my care. Just seemed crazy to me. I was just a mom who wanted to stay home and who had a lot of patience. And somehow that became a job. A small business that I’ve been running for almost three years now…people seem to continue to trust me with their kids…

So now I’ve been drawing for six months and I may be teaching a class. It seems that the line between my reality and all the images of possibilities playing around in my mind has been smudged. Some people have words that come rushing out before they have a chance to think about it first…I have ideas that come to mind that I act upon before I’ve had a chance to really consider them. It happened when I moved to NYC, when I convinced the band I was in to travel and move across the country…its been happening more often lately. Perhaps it’s a survival tactic? Or a way of proving my existence as I mentioned before…or perhaps just a part of my make up. I think I’m leaning towards the latter. I think it makes me feel more…authentic. Don’t know if it’s going to make me a good drawing instructor but I’m eager to give it a go!

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