Someone Murdered My Inspiration

What about an inspiration killer? What kills your inspiration before it starts?

Today was my birthday. We had a fantastic party with 50+ guests yesterday, but today was my actual birthday. I have inherited the idea from my mom that special days should be special; your birthday and Christmas especially. So even though the fantastic party took place yesterday I wanted today to be fun…just an all around good day.

It sucked.

My children were out of routine, tired, demanding, and just…not overly likeable today. I love them more than life but….I felt like I was literally physically pushing them around to get anything done or to get just a pleasant response or a ‘thank you’. I was angry, and frustrated…I heard a harsh, unhappy voice come out of my mouth so many times that I rolled my own eyes, and quite honestly didn’t really like myself much.

Even though I am tired and grumpy and crusty…I forced myself to sit down and write about it…hoping…since I always try to see the glass as half full…that I could snap myself out of it and write a decent piece at the same time.

Children can be a real inspiration killer. Screaming, fighting, whining, hitting, snotty nosed kids with limitless determination and control issues. (…or two particular kids known as Sophie and Maggie…my own for anyone who doesn’t know) I longed for an excuse to hurt them just enough that I couldn’t be charged with abuse but yet they would remember my birthday for years and just shut the fuck up.

And now they are sleeping…and they are beautiful. Beautiful. Fascinating to observe. Their innocent fingers digging in their nasal cavities unconsciously, the soft sleepy words they mumble as they drift off to play in their dreams, their gorgeous eyes almost trapped within their physical bodies searching for entertaining stories in this amazingly wonderful and scary world they have been introduced to….Just beautiful.

That would also be one of my biggest inspirations. The ying and the yang. The strongest nourishment is also the most effective eradicator.

And as I had hoped…as I type these words and struggle through my limited vocabulary…the crusties are lifting and am I feeling….lighter.

I love writing.

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