Terrified of stopping…

I ran into a former runner a couple of weeks ago who reminded me that my training should include more than just short and long runs. He reminded me that I need to remember to push myself with speed runs and hill runs…to push my body and not remain on a plateau of simply keeping my feet moving but stretching their different muscles. I had forgotten about that since most of my runs are done pushing a stroller with two girls…each run I complete at this point is a triumph. But there’s more to it…and I need to challenge my body further in order to get better results on my races.

Similarly, a friend recently read a piece I had been working on and commented on the characters lack of depth. I had been trying so hard to get the pages down, to transition from the shorter pieces I’ve been writing for the last half year to something with more distance. I had slacked with authenticity of the piece…forgotten to use my other writing muscles…sacrificed honesty for length…But there’s more to it…and I need to challenge my mind further…

Both are very personal activities for me.

Running is challenging my body and my mind to accomplish what I never thought my body could accomplish. Running distances others around me think is ridiculous without wavering, without backing down and taking the easier route.

Writing is challenging my mind and my heart to actualize personal thoughts, fears, ideas and emotions into stories that I offer to others. People who will scrutinize me and my time spent writing what may never be recognized as anything more than a mother’s attempt at trying to be something more…be someone more…

Both are extremely scary to me. I’m terrified. Terrified that one day my legs will stop working. Terrified that one day I will realize that I’m no good at this writing thing and go back to watching television at night…observing other people’s stories instead of creating my own.

For now…I’ve started my day off with a bit of a creative confession and after snack time I will take the kids to the track to work on my speed running…keep plugging away….