Three days to go…

You know how you don’t really know what you are capable of doing until you are in a position in which you have to do something? Like when we find ourselves or a family member ill and we suddenly are forced to face something we never thought we would have to, and our strength and courage grows exponentially?

I think naturally I’m a lazy person. I look for easy outs. Simple fixes. I’ve been aware of my tendencies, and accept them almost eagerly as a way to stay comfortable, without too much pressure or stress. Yes, I will take one or two extremely huge steps like running away to NYC, having babies at home on the couch or signing up to run a marathon…and then I will sit back on my ass in my achievement and admire it. What would you call that? Self absorbed maybe? A dichotomy? I don’t know but personally I find it very frustrating, stupid, and just not enough….

So… now I find myself in a position I am kind of stuck in due to my keenness to sign up for another outlandish adventure. It is three days before I run my second full marathon. The last one I ran ten years ago in Amsterdam. And I swore I would never run another one because of the amount of pain I felt afterwards and during the last hour or so of the run. And that is why I signed up for another one. That is the exact reason.

I have such a need to find the bravery within myself. I know I have found it many times…and when I actually allow it to come forth I feel amazing.

I have so many goals now moving forward. I am excited to be published in the future, to share my images in art shows, to push myself beyond what is comfortable to achieve great things. I’m not going to save the earth, or find a cure for cancer or wipe away bigotry…but…I’ve still got things to do…

Sunday’s run is for my future. To remind myself how strong I am and that although I’ve regretted some of my past I have control of my future. And I look forward to it…

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One Response to Three days to go…

  1. Christine Aben says:

    Very good, very focussed piece, Jenn! See you tomorrow! Xoxo

    Sent by Christine Aben from her iPad

    >

    Like

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