Fear. What am I afraid of?
I don’t even know where to start….
I’m afraid that everything I do is redundant. That I am forgettable. I think that’s a huge fear of mine. At times I’ve done some pretty stupid things just to prove that I am not. I have to wonder if I’m doing that now….with my writing, drawing, marathon running. Do I do these things because I enjoy them? I think so. Do I do them because I think I’m good at them? Yes. Do I do them because it’s something to tell others about? Shit I hope not.
This coming Sunday I’m pushing my two girls in a half marathon. The following Sunday I’m running my second full marathon (and I am totally terrified…four and a half hours of running is very painful). The following Friday night I’ve entered a 24 hour script writing challenge/contest. 24 hours to write a twenty minute play. The winner will be read at the Hamilton Fringe Festival. I like challenges. Perhaps I’m incredibly bored with my life and need to prove that I’m worth taking up this space…or perhaps I’m looking for something to do besides drink wine and eat chocolate….I don’t know…Guess I’m having a Debbie downer kind of day…
But I’ve booked my first art show…for next year. My art will be hung and my art will be seen.
Here’s to individualism. Here’s to creating something spectacular and the responses it evokes from its viewers…Here’s to being BRAVE and forging ahead….Here’s to you and me.