So here I am at 40 trying to figure out what to do with this “gift” if you’d like to call it that; I’ve always been able to do but never had the nerve to do anything with. I’ve got “x” number of years to somehow affect enough people to make it all worthwhile… (Is that the reason why we work to do these things?)So that when that final day comes…when an emergency falls on my family and I am either rushed through the doors of a hospital or a morgue I will be remembered.
Really? Is that what we are all striving for? Is that it?
I heard from a family member today. Someone who is older than myself and also has a similar gift to my own. From her correspondence…I had this immediate response that my recent inspired work is opening up a similar path that she has followed. No disrespect…but that, for some reason, bothered me. It bothered me that I am somehow repeating history. Perhaps it was slightly comforting that I am not alone, and that it is inherent in me to start this exploration. But I have never liked following anyone else’s path. Even slightly.
My grandmother told her that “this creative outlet would mean even more as (we) got older”. All I really remember about my Nana was that she was a beautiful, strong, and I guess a quite wise woman.
So, here I am again wondering…Who cares????
I guess for now; me. I’m not done. I’m only just starting…and that feels pretty good. I make an oath to continue to follow my nose, and my fingers as they choose coloured pastels, faces to draw….and stories to write….I want to succeed somehow in this. And I will not stop until I feel in some way that I have.
Art. I care.
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